Saturday, January 30, 2010

Oh Neville...

In every group of friends, no matter where they live or what they may do for a living, there is always one person in that group that gets picked on. A more common name for this person is "the bitch". And for whatever reason "the bitch" tends to be a guy. Obviously "the bitch" does not willingly submit him or herself to this position, but over time it slowly and subtly happens. In college "the bitch" in my group of friends was a boy named "Neville" (obviously not the real name, I have to give this guy a chance of un-bitching himself...yes I do think un-bitching is a real word).

There are many tales of Neville getting picked on. From having pages from various porn magazines plastered all over his side of the dorm room (not surprising he did keep them up for awhile). Shortly after that they planted a vibrator under his pillow to keep the theme going, Neville did not keep that around. And from day to day the streams of comments insinuating that Neville must be a girl or gay. If the latter, they constantly made plans for the coming out party that would include a keg of Zima. I'm still trying to figure out how Zima is associated with the homosexual community, some of my friends are just idiots and I apologize if this offends anyone.

There is one tale that is my favorite, it's not necessarily epic or the moment that Neville became "the bitch" (still trying to pinpoint that one) but whenever I think of it, it makes me smile and giggle to myself.

My friends and I went to cooking school, and as a part of our daily uniform we had to wear a toque to class everyday. For those of you who don't know, a toque is the tall, white, cylindrical hat that you see chefs wear. There are various styles, ours were completely open on top for ventilation, and I think they were just cheaper for the school to get. One day in class my friends had the brilliant idea to keep throwing a bit of flour in Neville's toque, then when the moment comes when he takes it off, boom! That's one messy Neville. So throughout class a friend would keep Neville distracted while the other threw flour in his toque. It got to the point where we were sure Neville would begin to feel something was on top of his head that shouldn't be there. Luckily Neville was as ever unobservant, oh Neville! Now, we thought he would take his toque off during lecture, as most of the class does, giving the gag it's optimal audience, or so we thought.

He kept the damn thing on.

There was so much flour in his toque now that every so often, if he moved just right, a bit of the powder would come out underneath dusting his shoulders! We could barely stifle our laughter, waiting for the moment to arrive. End of class comes, the toque is still on, and we head to the dining hall. We all sit down, finally one of us says, "Okay, class is over now, you can take off the damn toque and relax." Neville looks confused as this has never been an issue before, but he agrees by removing his hat. Boom! One messy Neville in the middle of the dining hall and everyone is laughing. At first Neville is ticked off, but then he can't help but laugh at being turned into a human powder puff.

*These stunts were done by professional college students who were bored and had nothing better to do and we don't blame you for copying but please do them in good humor.

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