Friday, September 30, 2011

Cake Writing

I have written on many, many, many cakes. So many Happy Birthdays, Congratulations and Happy Anniversaries, it does become a bit monotonous. And lately I'm not the only one who feels this way. More customers wonder what other fun phrases can be written on their cakes. Here are some of my ideas:

Instead of "It's a Boy!" I could write, "Hope you son doesn't grow up to be a dick even though he has one"

Instead of "It's a Girl!" I could write, "Cross your fingers she doesn't end up on the pole"

The tired old phrase "Congratulations for your bundle of joy!" could be updated to "Congratulations! You still can't properly use a condom"

"Happy Birthday" I have literally written that hundreds of times, so stale. "One year closer to death!" has a lot more pizazz!

When myself and the customer have no fucking clue what to write on the cake, "(Advertise here)"

"Happy Anniversary" should be modernized to "Still together...really?"

This next one pretty much explains itself "Surprise! You may have an STD" (but at least you have cake)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Awkward 2: The idiots who surround us...

My eavesdropping has struck gold again. Just like in previous situations, the people talking clearly didn't care who heard what they had to say. There was a group of 4 women sitting behind me in the audience of Book of Mormon (if you have the chance and some extra money, go and buy a ticket, the show is worth every penny) and they were having a sparkling conversation of their previous theatre experiences. Here are the highlights of their conversation:

Lady #1: "Thanks to child labor laws I got the bad Billy Elliot."

Lady #2 (something about the way she talked made me think she's from Greenwich, CT): "Oooh I just looove ballet. I can watch ballet all day. And I just looove Swan Lake. And the lead, what's her name? Well...she goes to the lake, oh and the way she holds her arms, I just looove it."

Lady #3: "How long is Phantom of the Opera playing in Denver?" (This threw me off since I assumed the ladies to be locals, but it sounded like two of them may have been visiting, hence the question)

It's moments like this I'm glad I keep a little pad of paper and a pen with me.