Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Religion, quite the finicky subject. And I am certainly not one to preach, this is more to explore and just to relate.

I was raised Catholic, First Communion and Confirmation, the whole deal. I believe my Mother raised my sister and I that way because she feared the wrath of her mother if we weren't raised to be good Catholics.

Once my sister and I had gone through our Catholic schooling, we didn't really want to go to church every Sunday, we're human. My Mother felt the same way. But again, we didn't want to anger Grandma. So on Sundays we didn't answer the phone from 12-1 pm so that our Grandmother would think we're at church. Funny thing was, Grandma did tend to call around that time, I think she was checking. Just in case you're wondering why she isn't in church that time, she's in the small group of people that goes to church really damn early.

I know some, maybe even many people who read this will be angry that I don't go to church every Sunday. Some will think how can I call myself Catholic. Let me give you some perspective on my Catholic experience. When I was very little, just beginning my Catholic schooling, my parents divorce was being finalized. Believe me, it was far healthier for them to be apart then together. And I remember distinctly how the people at church, even the priests, treated my Mother differently. Even the "friends" my Mom had made at church started to separate themselves from her. Tell me, is that being a true loving Catholic? I know divorce is a big no, no, especially in this religion, but until you know the reasons why a couple is separating, don't judge.

So that coupled with the ongoing scandals in the Catholic church I do have trouble believing in my religion. I don't think going to Church every Sunday is the only way to show you have faith, it's what you do outside those walls that count. And I'm still trying to figure out the whole God thing. Though I do find myself praying to him at times. If he is up there I prefer not to bother him, he's got enough on his plate, he doesn't need to deal with my petty problems.

At times I picture all the different gods from various religions up there playing poker and laughing at us.

Bottom line, whatever your faith, if it makes you want to be a better person, who's to say its wrong?

(although the whole suicide bombing thing is just nanners)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Mortician and the Baker

In a particular small town, the funeral home was across the street from a bakery.

The young man who worked at the funeral home liked his job, despite the morbidity of it.

He also liked the young woman who worked at the bakery across the street.

He never developed the courage to introduce himself to her, but took delight in the moments he could watch her work on delightful desserts.

He did find it ironic that while he prepped the dead she prepped the pastries.

While he buttoned the vest of a deceased grandfather, she put candy buttons on a cake.

Then the young mortician noticed the young woman wasn't working in the bakeshop anymore.

Saddened that she must have moved away, he went to work.

And there was the young woman, waiting to be buried.

His heart fell.

Wanting to keep the memory of her he kept a button from her dress.

At the funeral he saw the family that could have been a part of his.

The young mortician never married.

He grew old, and as all of us do, he passed on.

In heaven, we all return to our youthful selves.

And James finally returned the button to Sally.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Funny Thoughts

We all have those random thoughts that pass through our minds and make us giggle to ourselves. After laughing to yourself you look up and realize that everyone in the elevator is staring at you, worried you're laughing at the thought of blowing up the building. I've wandered off, here are some funny thoughts I've had to myself.

- If you pinch a puppy, will it grant you a wish?

- I punched an elephant today. After I felt melancholy.

- Do penguins waddle because they are perpetually drunk?

- Cats...why?

- I sometimes hope the homeless man I've passed used to be the CEO of Enron.

- Annoying children should be forced to babysit drunk relatives, see how they like it.

- Do porn stars have letters of recommendation along with their resumes? "Shows great effort and enthusiasm" "Gets the job done" "Works well with others"

- I bought a Snuggie and purposefully don't use the sleeves. Damn the man.

That's all I can remember for now. Will keep you updated. Feel free to share your funny thoughts.